If you haven’t had these unpleasant experiences before, you might be amazed at how many women choose to stay with partners who cause them physical and mental pain. Looking at some of the key reasons why women stay in these abusive relationships helps you identify potential abuse in your relationship and helps you empathize with women experiencing these abusive situations.
1. Misconceptions about abuse
Like the recent horrifying case of Ray Rice abusing his wife, Janay. Sometimes the abuse is only physical, but it can also be verbal, such as threats and insults. It is also worth noting that there is a subtle form of psychological abuse here. For example, your partner may find understated ways to make you feel weak, stupid, or unattractive, in a word, make you lose confidence in yourself, and then deny any bad intentions. Some women believe that abuse must be physical and therefore refuse to admit that they are in an abusive relationship.
2. The belief that the abuse is deserved
Women with low self-esteem may believe they deserve the beating they receive. They believe that they would not have been hit or criticized abusively if they had been more understanding partners, more beautiful, better mothers, or more successful women. Also, confident and strong women can become deeply insecure after a long period of abuse (months/years). Eventually, they come to believe that the abuses are justified. Even if he has reason to be jealous, that does not justify the abuse.
There is a surprising connection between height, weight, and abusive relationships
I recommend you to read a rare book – “One of Us is superfluous”.
A few years ago, a friend brought a book to the group. Old, thick. With a story from the interwar period, I think. A story in which we all found ourselves, one by one. In at least one character. I think I found myself in all the characters.
It is not a novel like any other. It is a novel composed of a girl’s letters to her friend, letters with the events of this girl’s life, her loves and disappointments, and the good and bad things that happened to her. At the end of the book, there is also a letter in response to dozens of letters.
I think it’s the kind of book that goes from hand to hand and the story about it goes on. I don’t know where the book ended up. Because it is not a book that stays with someone, it has to move on.
Don’t create unrealistic expectations from a relationship. There is nothing syrupy in it, all the letters are written with a disarming, clean sincerity. That girl’s life is somehow the same as our lives, although she lived in 1900 or so. Her dramas were our dramas. Some things never change.
Somehow we end up being redundant in such abusive relationships or through a conjuncture that we didn’t even think about. Somehow during our life, we end up being “the other woman”, the one we hated so much. We end up loving someone else’s love.
I think that each of us (at least once in our life) has loved another woman’s man, and also at least once in our life has lost a love for another woman.
You don’t mess with love! That’s what I heard. These girls in the book end up living like this. One of them is a character and the other is an observer, indirectly involved in the story with love. Somehow there is always someone to spare. Even if we are superfluous, we don’t dare to give up what we think is our love. Out of selfishness. I would call it evil. “If you love someone, let them go” That’s what the song said, right? Really?? I have never seen anyone who gives up so easily.
People prefer to deceive themselves
No woman will let a man (whom she thinks she loves) leave her for another woman whom he thinks she loves or is in love with. She better be patient until she finds someone too. It’s like that old saying: why should a mother cry? better to cry :))
After 9 years, I remember only one name… Eli. And my laughter swells. One of us is superfluous in such a beautiful, sincere story. In our life from the year 2000 until today, there are no such honest and beautiful stories. Only some loves are like that. But those are rare and often turn into memories. Beautiful, but people only talk about it. Whispering. Love definitely hurts someone somewhere. One thing is clear. In a relationship, nothing is more important than respect. As long as there is respect, there will be no abusive relationships.
There are no men without ex-lovers, there are no women who do not mourn for ex-lovers. We are a race of malcontents with loves that come and go. I read a long time ago, somewhere: Don’t build your happiness on someone else’s unhappiness. Really?