Once you have clearly and rigorously defined your needs, those that you do not want and should not negotiate, ask yourself if they are sufficiently fulfilled by the person you love. This check is essential to gain an inner balance and to feel at peace with yourself.
A teenager scolded her friend during the consultation: “It’s not enough! Understand? Your love is not enough for me, it is not enough for me! It’s a little, boring, distance! I feel dissatisfied and abandoned, even if you are next to me! You better go and leave me alone. If you don’t know how to love, find someone who will teach you”. The young man barely managed to blink as he listened dumbfounded. He tried to console her, but she was too angry and aggressive. Finally, he dared to ask, “Okay, then how do you want me to love you?” What started a new storm, was that she expected (like most of us) that the person she loved would know how to love her or rise to the level of her expectations spontaneously and not need to take lessons.
Taking on the role of teacher to show your partner how to love you is a very frustrating thing. Besides, how to do it? You could take his hand, run it over your skin and say: “Look, this is how I want you to caress me.” Also, could you give him a list in which anniversaries, birthdays, and others appear clearly so that he does not forget the details? Or could you illustrate with examples in PowerPoint what are the best ways to say I love you and hug the person next to you without strangling them and without seeming like a chore?
But that would be ridiculous, not just artificial. In a normal love relationship, the main issues, such as the expression of affection, must be present, even if they need to be polished in some way. Therefore, if your partner behaves like a “zombie” and prides himself on “mechanical and cold love”, the most important thing has not been solved. I’m not saying it’s impossible to humanize your partner; what I am saying is that this task is discouraging and unprofitable for a lover.
On the day when you have to tell your partner that his love cannot be seen or felt, the countdown has begun. It’s like explaining to someone that punches hurt and therefore shouldn’t hit you.
