Rushing to find a replacement to try to soothe your wounded heart cannot be the solution. Why does he do it then? There are three reasons: the need to be loved, low tolerance for emotional pain, and revenge.
The need to be loved
Those who need to be loved for their life to have meaning are not only unable to give up love when they should, but they seek it at any cost. The desperation to have someone pushes millions of people to cling to the first one that comes their way, for no other reason than to calm their anxiety.
You can’t go out looking for a partner as if you were going to buy a product from the store, and you can’t even fall in love to order. What you can do, however, is to create the conditions for love to manifest itself.
Preparation for love: to organize yourself internally, to lighten up, and leave your heart half-open. If you can create these conditions, when you least expect it, you will come across someone who deserves it.
Low tolerance for emotional pain
Some cannot bear pain because they are not chemically capable, and others are simply spoiled and despairing at the first hint of discomfort. Fears, also, may not be generalized and may be localized in the case of certain events or situations to which one can react in a certain way. For example, some people bear the attacks of life with stoicism, as if they were warriors, but when it comes to love and its pains, they become especially fragile and thin. Susceptibility here does not refer to the need to be loved but to intolerance of emotional pain. In the first case, they are looking for a “new love”, which will calm their appetite: in the second, an “analgesic love”.
Hypersensitivity to emotional suffering (for example the cooling of love, discussions with the partner, jealousy, addiction, or the fear of losing the other) can go in any direction. Thus, people outstanding in different fields, intelligent and full of success, become oppressed like helpless children by the pain of an impossible love. People who are very vulnerable to suffering in love try to quickly find someone who will ease the pain of an ingrained love.
The impulse to look for an effective replacement is not only motivated by the need to be loved and to appease aversion; it can also be generated by revenge and retaliation.
An emotional adjustment of the law of retaliation: “an eye for an eye”: “I want you to suffer as much as I suffered (or as much as I suffer)”. Pure immaturity. In love, you have to know how to lose and not engage in battles of revenge and atonement that are beyond moral standards. Here the new is part of a false independence and overcoming the situation, because, if liberation were true, the ex would not matter so much and there would be no debt to pay and nothing to prove.
Modus operandi as follows: you rush to get involved in a new relationship, so that he or she, you think, dies of anger and jealousy. You want to teach him a lesson and show him that he is not irreplaceable. Analyze things calmly: do you think that this strategy will change his feelings for you and run into your arms? And one more question: why do you think he still has feelings for you? Those who are dependent imagine and believe that the same thing is happening to their ex-partner. However, the data shows that, in most cases, the other person has no idea.
Every time you try to get your old boyfriend’s attention to get revenge, you involve him in your life again and hurt your self-respect.